Shannon's Library

“Ah, how good it is to be among people who are reading.”

Rainer Maria Rilke

I am a book clubber. Is that even a thing? If not, I am declaring it to be. I am an avid and passionate book clubber. Book clubs are near and dear to my heart. I truly, deeply, earnestly believe that everyone, and I mean everyone, should belong to a book club – but most especially women! There is something special you find in book clubs that you can’t find anywhere else. Over the years I’ve belonged to dinner nights, children’s play groups, bunco clubs, game nights, etc. But nothing …nothing… creates a bond between women like a book club. I don’t exactly know why. Something special, dare I say magical, happens when a group of women come together to discuss a book. Relationships are formed in a way that is deeper, more meaningful, and longer lasting than in any other manner I’ve found in my life.

I didn’t always know this. My book clubber journey began as a newly married, newly pregnant human being who moved to Richmond, VA so my husband could attend dental school. I was slightly terrified. I’ve always been an introvert but back then, in my early 20’s, I was still painfully shy. I didn’t make friends easily and would be away from my family, on the other side of the country, for four years. Shortly after settling into my new life, I had the thought that I should start a book club. I loved reading but I’d never been in a book club before and had no idea how to even start. So, what did I do? What did people do before the Internet and Google? I headed to Barnes and Noble and bought a book called, “How to Start a Book Club.” Yep. I really did. And boy did I study that book!

Then I gathered up all my courage and started inviting other dental school wives to join in a book club with me. To my surprise, and delight, a few actually wanted to! We were small, maybe 5 or 6 of us, but it was enough! I still remember walking out the door of my apartment to our first book club meeting – armed with the book we read, a pen, a notepad, and my trusty “How to Start a Book Club” book. I had done my studying and felt confident that if I followed the plan, outlined in that book club “manual” all would go well. It turns out, I needn’t have worried. The book we chose gave us plenty to talk about – without having to follow a formulaic discussion plan. What was this book, you ask? Turns out, my very first book club book was a new story all about wizards and magic that was starting to attract attention. Yep. You guessed it. The first ever book I read and discussed with a book club was none other than “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone!” After that night, I was hooked and completely in love with the book club experience. Was it destiny that Harry Potter came into my life at the same time as book clubs? I think it was!

Four years later it was time to move back to Utah. I found myself floundering, once again, for friendship and relationships. What did I do? I started another book club. I gathered up my courage, put aside my inhibitions and started inviting people again. Once again, the book club started out small. It was harder to find interested people this time around. It really struggled for a few years and dropped to such few members that occasionally when we met it was just me and the host. One time book club fell on my husband’s birthday, and I remember telling him I had to go to book club instead of celebrating with him. I sadly explained that if I didn’t go – there wouldn’t be a book club at all. A couple years later, we moved into a new house and a new neighborhood, and everything changed for this little book club of mine. I geared up my courage for the third time and started inviting everyone I met. I took invitations around to neighbors’ homes, people I hardly knew. If I was at the park with my little kiddos and saw another mom reading a book, I would go up to her and invite her to my book club. I got more than a few weird looks from these strangers. But I was determined not to let this fledgling little book club fail. And then, miraculously, all my uncomfortableness with these invites started to pay off. The book club started to find some regulars – women who truly wanted to stick around, discuss books and become friends. For a while we still had some comings and goings but eventually, we settled into a solid group of around 12 women.

And now, this book club is celebrating its 20th anniversary! 20 years ago, I moved back from Virginia and was determined to be a part of a book club. Determined and slightly desperate! And the best part is, this book club stopped being “my” book club a long time ago. It’s “ours.” “The Ladies of the Club.” And we all value it dearly. These women have become some of my very best friends. We’ve held wedding and baby showers for each other and are now starting to hold these showers for our children. (This makes us sound like we are getting old – which WE ARE NOT.) We’ve mourned each other’s sadness’s and celebrated each other’s successes. We’ve leaned on each other and loved each other. I wasn’t exaggerating at the start of this article when I said something miraculous can happen when women get together to discuss a book. I consider this group of women to be one of the greatest miracles in my life and something I deeply cherish.

Since starting a book blog and Instagram page, I’ve mentioned this book club on occasion. Without fail, whenever I bring up my book club, I get all kinds of questions on how it came together, how it’s stayed together so long, how we run it etc. So now that you know a little about my history with book clubs and how they came to be – let’s talk about some book club “How To’s.”

HOW TO START A BOOK CLUB…

1. Invite. This is the scariest step, but unfortunately it is the first and most necessary step. Invite both readers AND non-readers. In Virginia I invited the only women I knew – other dental school wives. I didn’t know if they liked to read or not. Turns out, most weren’t big readers. But many of them, to this day, credit that little book club of ours as the kick-start for their lifetime love of reading. Notice the readers around you and be brave enough to invite them. I once invited a woman I saw reading a book at my daughter’s gymnastics practice. She was a complete stranger, but she looked nice and clearly enjoyed reading. This woman looked shocked that I was talking to her, let alone inviting her to come to my book club. But she came…and became a vital part of our book club and one of my dearest friends!
2. Perserverance and Determination. When my second book club was dwindling and fading away, I was determined not to let it fail. I kept going and inviting, even when it seemed like it wasn’t going to succeed. Make your book club a priority. Hold on until you find others that will make it a priority with you. It was such a wonderful feeling when I found others that valued this book club as much as I did. Even COVID didn’t stop us. When COVID hit we found creative ways to keep it going. We started out zooming our discussions, and quickly discovered we hated that. So, we started meeting outside, when the weather was nice enough, and then met in garages bundled up in coats when it got colder. We were DETERMINED not to let a pandemic disband our book club and it ended up being a light in an otherwise dark 2020.
3. Size. Decide what size of book club you want to have. Some book clubs are large with a come-one, come-all attitude. Some book clubs are more exclusive with limited numbers to keep it a smaller and more intimate setting. Obviously, this wasn’t a thought of mine when the book club was getting started. I was just desperate to find ANYONE who would talk about books with me! But as it gained traction, this became a bit of an issue. Having a group discussion about the desired size and dynamic of the book club – and having clarity with this from the start -could prevent some future misunderstandings. We decided to keep our book club to about 12 members, for a couple of reasons. First, it was a good number to have for everyone to be able to host once a year. Second, it was a small enough number to be able to have a nice dinner together as part of book club.
4. Format. Decide how you want your book club to run. How often do you want to meet? What day of the week? How do you want to choose the books? For example, our book club meets once a month on Friday evenings. Every year, on the first Friday in January, we meet together for what is unanimously agreed to be our FAVORITE night of the year. We all bring book suggestions and food for a potluck meal. After stuffing ourselves full of food, we go around the circle and talk about the books we have brought with us. (This can go on for hours and is so much fun!) After hearing all the suggestions, we go around the circle once again and pick what book and month we want to host that year. Sometimes we come to this meeting prepared with one certain book we definitely want to host. Sometimes we might come with absolutely no idea of what book we want to host, but we usually have one picked after hearing all of the suggestions. We end the night with an organized and calendared year of reading – and for an added bonus – we usually have a rather large list of “additional reading,” books that weren’t picked to be hosted and discussed. How great is that!
5. Food. Decide how important or not important food will be in your book club experience. For us, food is VERY important and one of the main reasons we wanted to keep our book club on the smaller side. We have certain members of our book club that truly could be professional caterers. When we go to their houses, we know to expect all kinds of deliciousness. And then there is my house – where the food is just ok, but I hopefully make up for it in other ways! The best part is, it’s totally ok if you just aren’t feeling like doing anything fancy. Yes, we’ve had amazing dinners – homemade French food, Thai food, English teas and gourmet pastries. But we’ve also had nights with Chinese takeout, delivery pizza, and simple popped popcorn. And either way, we’re happy! So, when starting out, decide together how you want to incorporate food into your book club. Do you want to have dinner be part of the experience? Would you prefer to keep it simple with just a small treat or snack? Or do you want to take food entirely out of the equation? (But, really, why would you want to do that??)
6. Discussions. I know there are “book clubs” out in the world where no actual discussing of books happen. If this is the kind of “book club” you want to have, then you’re in the wrong place and you probably won’t be reading this post anyway! But if you really want to have a true BOOK club – talk about that upfront when you start. Make it clear that you will be reading and discussing books. This isn’t just a social evening. Now, does this mean we don’t ever chat and have a good time? Of course not! How we handle our book club nights is – first, we eat. Obviously. Then we talk about the book. These discussions can vary from just a few minutes to over an hour – depending on the book. Some books lend themselves to heavy, in-depth discussions. Some books are more on the light side and are fun to read but don’t necessarily have a lot to discuss about. Either way is perfectly fine. But we always have our book discussion first. Then we chat. (And I won’t tell you how long that can go on for!) As important as the book discussion part of the evening is – this is a book club after all – just remember that the fun, chatting stuff is important too. This is where the bonding, the memories, and the friendship-making occurs. And in my opinion, it is just as important, if not more important, than the book discussing. So, try to find the right balance for your group. We’ve found it helps for the host to have discussion questions ready to help the discussion move along. Sometimes the host provides historical background on the author or the book they have chosen. Sometimes the host has quizzes or games about the book with prizes. (Beware, this can lead to some heated moments if you have ultra-competitive members in your group!) I’ve had people ask me, “Can people come to your book club if they haven’t read the book?” Since we’ve found a group of women that enjoy reading, this really isn’t a big issue. But, of course, life happens and sometimes the book just doesn’t get read that month. We joke that we should get a big sombrero, call it the “Sombrero of Shame,” and have whoever didn’t read the book that month wear it! We never have bought that sombrero. Maybe we still should?!
7. Book Genres. Do you want to read a variety of genres in your book club, or do you want to focus on just one? For example, do you want to be a romance book club? A classic literature book club? A history lovers book club? Or do you want to experience and explore a variety of genres? Discuss that together and decide upfront. For us, we like to have a variety. In fact, I think one of the best parts of book clubs is pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. I’m not a lover of non-fiction, but I have read multiple non-fiction books over the years in book clubs and have enjoyed many of them. As the years have gone by, we’ve kind of figured out who likes certain genres and will generally choose that type of genre to host. Some of us lean towards historical fiction. Some prefer middle-grade novels. Others fantasy. If the host picks a book or a genre that you have little interest in, keep an open mind. You might end up actually enjoying the book. And even if not, you don’t necessarily have to love the book to have a great book club. One of our very favorite, and most memorable book clubs, was years ago. Remember that stranger from the gymnastics gym that I randomly invited to book club? Well, for her first hosting month, she picked a book called, “…And Ladies of the Club.” If you’ve never heard of this book, it’s ok. Don’t go looking for it. (Unless you like 1,176 pages of soap opera drama! Yes, that’s right. 1,176 pages.) Was it a great book? Absolutely not. Was it our very favorite book club night. Absolutely. We laughed about that book all night long and had the BEST time! It was such a fun memory for us that we named ourselves “The Ladies of the Club.” So, the moral of the story is, even if a book stinks – the actual book club doesn’t have to! Some of our best discussions happen when we all either mutually dislike a book or very much disagree with each other about a book. Which leads me to my next point…
8. Have A Tough Skin. Remember it’s ok if not everyone likes your book. It doesn’t mean they don’t like you. We’ve all learned over time to not take it personally if someone, or everyone, doesn’t like your book choice. This is sometimes easier said than done. There have been times when I’ve chosen a book that’s near and dear to my heart, have gone into book club absolutely certain that everyone else will love it too, and then been devastated to find out nobody liked it. Variety is the spice of life, right? We all like different things. And this is most definitely the case with our book club. I can count on one hand the number of books we have unanimously loved. It just doesn’t happen that often. More often we all have differing feelings about the books we read. Be ok with that. Embrace it. Learn to appreciate other people’s book opinions, even if they are different than yours. Enjoy the debate and the discussions that such differences will bring.
9. Book Content/Ratings. This might be an awkward conversation to have right off the bat, but trust me, it might save you some awkwardness in the future. Everyone has varied feelings and tolerances about content in books. Some people are sensitive to coarse language, some hardly notice it. Some people are triggered by violence, some it doesn’t bother at all. Some people enjoy a certain spice level, some are totally turned off by any romance. I highly suggest having this be one of your very first discussions as a newly formed book club. Make it a judgement free discussion. Remember that everyone is different. Be respectful, and not judgmental, of people’s tolerance level. Our book club never had this discussion, but over time we came to be aware of who had what sensitivities and we eventually found our average content tolerance level. But having this discussion right at the start of forming a book club is, in my opinion, a good idea.

Congratulations! If you’ve stuck with me so far in this long post – you must really want to be a part of a book club and I’m so happy and excited for the adventure you have ahead of you. My greatest advice for those of you thinking about starting a book club is, JUST DO IT! You won’t ever regret it. And it just might turn out to be one of the greatest blessings in your life.

It’s never too late. You can start a book club as a newlywed, like I did, or start a book club as a middle-aged, empty nester. Heck, you could start a book club in a retirement home. There’s no perfect age or time to do it. My current neighborhood recently started a book club that I’ve been lucky enough to join and it’s been a fun new addition to my life. This book club is still young and figuring out its footing, and I’m so happy to be a part of it.

“Good books, like good friends, are few and chosen; the more select, the more enjoyable.”

Louisa May Alcott

The only thing better than finding really good books is finding really good friends – and in a book club, you can do both! Book clubs truly are one of the great joys of life. It’s a joy I truly wish everyone could have and experience. So, what are you waiting for? Start inviting and get going!

(If you start a book club after reading this post, I’d love to hear all about it. And if you already belong to a book club, I’d love to hear all about that too!)